1 year on without my baby|A Mother’s Poem

Having to hold you in my heart and not my hands

Eventually understanding that might be the safest place for you to be

‘You were too precious for this world’

Or maybe I tell myself that for comfort

Your first year in heaven and my mothers 7th

They say 7 is a lucky number

So take slumber in the wings of your grandmother, under the shield of god

This is your first heaven year

Avalanched by grief I burnt my way out

With the fire in my belly you put in me

To make sure that you always exist

Baby girl you’re forever my best bits

I wear you like a badge of honour

A crest across my heart

I want the whole world to see

Charlotte María Jatto

Baby C between daddy and me

This is your first heaven year

That’s 365 days, 52 weeks, 12months and 4 seasons without you

So many firsts I never got to see

Like your first yawn, your first blink or even your first crawl

I never got the chance to hear your voice, the sound of your cry or the very sound of you breathing

Your heart stopped but mine kept beating

And with every beat it broke

And broke and broke

And with the broken pieces of my heart I keep you alive

In my words, rhythm and rhyme

I keep you alive

This is your first heaven year

I miss you

I miss the feel of your kicks just beneath my ribs

I miss the cravings of ready salted crisps, subway and the sweet taste of oranges

I miss the excitement of our journey beyond the womb

I miss the very presence of YOU

Charlotte, I miss the very presence of YOU

But I won’t let the sadness overcome me

I’ll remember our firsts and have hope for what will be

That one day I’ll see your face

And one day I’ll be able to hold you in my arms for eternity. Just you and me

This is your first heaven year

So today we celebrate your life

A short 23 weeks and 5 days

We celebrate that I saw you, held you and smelt you.

We celebrate that YOU keep me spurring on,

Walking in my purpose and weathering this storm.

I will stand resilient, vulnerable and free

I will make you proud, using every fibre within me.

This is your first heaven year

Charlotte you have changed the way I think about love

I will keep sharing my dream of you

You just keep shining down on me from above.

My first born, my heart, my heaven mini me.

Rest in Power and Keep Shining on Me

Charlotte Maria Jatto ~ 22.01.2019

Veronica Maria Plummer ~ 19.01.2013

2 thoughts on “1 year on without my baby|A Mother’s Poem

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